Today, I thought I would switch things up just a bit and stray from my usual Thursday Thread format to bring you some of my random thoughts with a more cohesive theme: becoming a parent {man, I’m still not even close to being used to that word!}. It seems that before you even technically become a mom {or dad}, you learn a lot from your own experiences during pregnancy, and from the experiences of others. Well-wishers started giving us advice seemingly from day 1, which I totally appreciate. Seriously. But I think there is a huge difference in giving advice and forcing an opinion on someone, and we have been super lucky to have friends, family, and even strangers offer friendly tips while respecting our right to make our own mistakes decisions. For the most part {hehe}. Over the past 7 or so months, we have already learned so much {with an infinite amount yet to learn, I know}, so I thought it would be fun to share some of the invaluable and just plain hilarious things we have discovered…
1. Comparison is the theif of joy. I have seen that quote all over Pinterest and Facebook and it is sooooo true. And equally as hard to apply to your life…especially as a new mom-to-be. You want to make sure you are doing everything right, and comparison often seems like the only way to reassure you of your successes or indicate that something needs to change. For example, after we registered for our stroller and car seat, I found myself looking at every. single. stroller. and every. single. car. seat. that moms around me were using for their babies. I kind of obsessed about it, wondering what the safest and best option was for our girl. Some brands we liked and some we hated, and after stressing and questioning and being downright confused, we found that it really didn’t matter what everyone else had. We had to make the right choice for us – our needs, our wants, our budget, our baby. Decision made, now move confidently forward. Whether it’s what to buy, what food to eat, how to vaccinate, or what school to enroll in, we simply cannot worry what other people have/do/think or we will most certainly lose our joy. I know this is going to be one of the hardest reoccurring lessons in parenthood — being confident in how you choose to parent your children — but I feel like we are already being prepped for it….
2. I am becoming my mother. That’s certainly not a bad thing by any means, but I find it absolutely hilarious. I can’t tell you how many times I vowed {during my adolescence} that I would NEVER be like my mom. I wouldn’t be bothered by clutter on the counters, get annoyed when the trashcan was overflowing, or think twice about what kind of food I buy at the store. I swore that I would never say things like “you need to eat more vegetables,” ”I wonder if that will go on sale,” or “You’ll poke your eye out!” And….now, I am guilty of all of it, especially since becoming pregnant {yes, I’ve even said that last one to Troy if he doesn’t wear glasses while mowing the yard}. And when pondering future obstacles of parenthood {like what we are going to do when our kid only wants junk for dinner, is bullied at school, wants to drive your car, or God forbid, starts dating}, I find myself wondering what my mom did. I also find myself feeling an enormous amount of sympathy for her and guilt over what I put her through! LOL! I assume most new moms {and old moms too} tend to do the same thing when trying to decide what kind of parent they are going to be, but I laugh to myself more times than not because the whole thing is completely and utterly involuntary. It just…happens. And before you know it, you’ve transformed! That’s ok by me though, because I admit, mine is pretty great.
3. Make your words sweet, for you never know when you will have to eat them. Before having kids was even a thought in our minds, it was really easy to criticize the way any of the children of our friends/family/complete strangers behaved. We are guilty of making statements like “If my kid ever acted like that in public…” or the best one, “I will NEVER EVER {insert parenting faux pas here}…” As we quickly approach our due date, we have realized that there will most certainly be days of having a fussy, sick, or downright angry baby, and I fear that behavior we were so quick to judge may be inevitably visited upon us by our own children. Ten fold. Gah!
4. Get your sleep now because you won’t get it when you have kids. This piece of friendly advice has been offered to Troy quite a bit more than me. Maybe it’s because people just assume moms won’t get any sleep at all, so they figure what’s the point in saying that to me? But I know it bugs the crap out of Troy to hear that. Not because he’s dreading that reality or trying to avoid it all together; it’s quite the opposite actually. We haven’t lost much sleep over not getting sleep when the baby comes {pun certainly intended} because that is literally how our lives work now. I am not saying that we won’t value sleep so much more when baby girl arrives, I am just saying that there probably aren’t two people in this world who are better equipped to run on no sleep than the hubs and me. When most of our friends and family are tucked into bed by 9:30 or 10pm, we are just getting our night started, sorting laundry and catching up on The Voice. Seriously. We are routinely in bed around midnight every night, usually later, and Troy gets up at 5am every weekday for a 12hr work day. He’s a rockstar. Albeit, a tired, coffee-addicted rockstar. He declares every morning to be in bed earlier — we both do — and yet it never happens. Oh the joys of being married to a night owl… You can almost always find me editing, answering emails, prepping blog posts, or doing some sort of activity into the wee hours of the night. Before getting pregnant, I functioned quite normally on 3 or so hours a sleep a day. No lie. Now, I sleep a little later than Troy does so he definitely gets the short end of the stick around here having to stay up late to hang out with me and then get up so early in the morning, but my point is that we are really quite prepared for no sleep when baby arrives. No showers, dinner ‘when we can fit it in’, and zero free time, now that’s an entirely different story…
5. Get a maid. It sounds so…I don’t know…defeating? We have always done our own yard and housework, mostly because we didn’t want to pay someone to do it, we didn’t trust someone to do it, and/or because we felt entirely capable of doing it ourselves. Then, the third trimester hit and holy cannoli folks, bending over to plug in the vacuum cleaner is now a feat of great proportions. My stubbornness willingness to do all of the housecleaning is officially no more. We have family coming in this weekend and for the first time in a long time, I could care less if the fans are dusted or the baseboards are sprinkled with dog hair {ok, maybe that last one bugs me a little}. I have realized how hard it is to adequately clean a house as big as ours with me being as big as I am, without some sort of help. Heck, I would probably still feel this way if we lived in the back of my SUV. And I certainly don’t want Troy to have to do it all by himself. Several family members have recommended hiring a cleaning person for the next few months {or for ever…ehem} and for the first time in my whole life, it makes total sense. Scratch that — it’s a must {if you want a clean house}. It’s funny how perspectives change :)
6. The birth of your baby is also a rebirth for you. No truer words have ever been spoken. Almost immediately after learning we were expecting, I swear I could literally feel that change happening. All of those selfish urges started to fly right out the window and our focus went straight to the baby. We actually got excited about spending a fortune on nursery stuff instead of new decor for the house, and buying adorable baby gear instead of unnecessary clothing purchases for us. And it’s not just about money, it’s also about time. And priorities. Oh priorities. Where you spend your efforts is soooo affected once you realize what’s really important and what kind of environment you want to bring your child into. We have found ourselves completely uninterested in chaos, unreliability, selfishness, and negativity. Obviously no one wants that stuff in their lives but we seemed to put up with it a whole lot more before, maybe because we could. Or because we felt like it was customary and that we should deal with it. But not any more. My mom recently explained to me that nature has a way of weeding out the things/people/priorities that aren’t really important or necessary in your life while you prepare for baby. Because when the baby finally arrives, you won’t be able to balance all of the things that you used to, nor will you want to. Especially the negatives. So true, Mom. It’s all part of growing up and changing in preparation for parenthood I suppose, a rebirth we are definitely embracing.
7. Some bits of advice have been plain and simple and straight to the point:
- You will never be done with laundry. Ever.
- 1,000 registry items are completely unnecessary. All you really need are diapers :)
- Your baby, even unborn, can drive you a little nuts. Especially at 2 in the morning when all you want to do is sleep. {I love her so much, but the kicks are crazy!}
- Be kind to yourself. You don’t need to be Superwoman; no one is perfect. You have the right to get mad, cry, or laugh at yourself and any mistakes you are going to make.
- Laugh more and worry less.
- Do the best you can and when all else fails, just focus on getting her through another day!
Got any advice or lessons learned for us to add to our list?? :)
Photo credit: Alicia Pyne
by Chelsea
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